The sky had changed from gold to twilight as the sun disappeared under the horizon; the city of Portland coming to life with lights that began to drown out the stars that only just started to become visible. Sam’s car, which was just an old, used one, slowed to a stop outside Jack’s Chicken restaurant. Admittedly, a pretty small restaurant, especially considering the size of the city. But Nicolas didn’t like people, cities, or noise; so, to him, the small burger and chicken fast-food place was pretty good. And the food wasn’t bad either.

  When Nicolas stepped out of the car, the warm summer twilight feeling that you could almost feel with all five senses hit him everywhere at once. In the darkening sky above, a single bright dot could be visible among the light pollution. A planet; at least Nicolas assumed it was. He didn’t know which planet, but he guessed it wasn’t a star because it was so bright, and twinkleless. Then, it too was drowned out by the city lights as they neared the restaurant, and as soon as Sam opened the glass door, the smells hit Nicolas’ nose at the exact same time the waves of cool, air-conditioned air blew from Jack’s Chicken.

  Nicolas crossed his arms as his skin tried to adjust to the sudden change in temperature.

  “Good evening,” a blonde-haired woman said from behind the counter. The restaurant was completely empty except for Nicolas, Sam, and the few workers inside.

  “Good evening,” Sam replied, and Nicolas gave a small wave, but didn’t say anything. Sam ordered a burger, and he also ordered chicken strips for Nicolas.

  “Alright, they’ll be ready in a few minutes,” the woman told them, handing Sam the receipt.

  She didn’t look old, maybe around Nicolas’ age. He always found it strange to see people as young as him working. It reminded Nicolas that he was almost an adult. In fact, in about a month, he would be.

  I wish Neverland was real.

  “Thank you,” Sam told her, and he and Nicolas sat down at one of the tables while they waited.

  "So, how was today?" Sam asked once they sat down.

  "It was good," Nicolas replied, before adding, "at least, it was once we left the house.”

  "Yeah," Sam replied. “That place rots.”

  “Why do we have to go back?” Nicolas asked seriously. "What if we just run away?"

  "Where would we go?”

  "Anywhere besides that dump," Nicolas sighed. He knew there really wasn't anywhere else for them to go, unless they planned to live in a car. They didn't have any nearby family members they could go to since their dad didn't talk to his family, and their mom's family lived in New York. On top of that, because Sam's job didn't pay well enough for him to get his own apartment, that was also out of the question.

  “You’re not an adult yet,” Sam told him. “So wouldn’t that technically be kidnapping or something?”

  “Like dad would even notice,” Nicolas scoffed.

  Sam was just about to add something before the woman who had taken their order called out; “Starwood!”

  "I'll be right back,” Sam told Nicolas as he stood up to go get the food.

  Nicolas watched him walk over to where the employee had placed the bag of food, pick it up and carry it back to their table.

  Once he'd sat back down, Sam reached into the paper bag and pulled out a plastic-wrapped burger, and a thin, small box of chicken, which he handed to Nicolas.

  He opened the box, and the chicken burned his fingertips when he tried to pick one of the pieces up, so he blew gently on it.

  Nicolas’ eyes moved from the food, to the window beside him. He could see the lights from buildings so far away that it made Nicolas feel tiny.

  Now, he definitely couldn’t see the stars. Not just because of the white glow that seemed to drift through the sky like fog, but also because of the restaurant that reflected through the window. In the reflection, he saw Sam: A tall, happy, guy, who probably had more friends than Nicolas would ever have. And in front of him, he saw the failure that was himself. A child in comparison. Nicolas, a boy whose only friend was his older brother.

  But that’s all I need, Nicolas told himself. Just Sam.

  “The world’s huge, isn't it?” Sam’s voice interrupted Nicolas’ thoughts.

  “Yeah,” he agreed, turning back to his food, which had now cooled enough for him to eat without burning the insides of his mouth.

  “Just think about how many people are in those buildings, those cars—the world's full of people. There's a lot of hateful people out there, but with a world as big as ours, not everyone is going to be terrible either.”

  Nicolas remembered the way people at school treated Ash when they decided to be themself.

  “Sure seems that way sometimes,” Nicolas said, half to himself.

  “I know. But there are good people in the world.” After a short pause, he added, “Promise me you'll find them one day.” Sam's eyes were making contact with Nicolas’ like they could see into his mind and know what he felt; a power Nicolas was sure Sam must've had.

  Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.

  Nicolas hesitated, knowing that if he promised, it would be a lie. Then, at last, he replied with a promise he hoped wasn't a lie.

  “I'll try.”

  ***

  They didn’t listen to music on the way home. But rather, the car ride was a lot quieter than before. The low buzz as the car sped down the road, combined with the slight vibrations of the wheels rolling across the asphalt, made Nicolas feel like going to sleep.

  It was a long day. First school, then the beach, now a long, peaceful drive back to Portland, and the crummy apartment building of hell.

  Once I go to college, maybe I could stay in a dorm or something, and finally get away from here. Nicolas didn’t really know a whole lot about how college worked, or how to set up a bank account, or even how to get a job, so the thought of being on his own scared him, even though it sounded nice to be free.

  I'm just glad I have Sam to help me.

  The day was fun, but now it was night, and Nicolas and Sam were on their way back to the place that neither of them wanted to go to.

  The ride felt shorter this time. Nicolas’ eyelids felt heavy as tiredness flooded through his body, as the small car pulled into the parking lot near the apartment.

  The air still felt warm when Nicolas stepped out of the old, rusty car. A police siren roared in the distance, a car honked its horn, and the whole city felt alive with distant noises. Yet here, it was quiet.

  Nicolas and Sam’s footsteps echoed through the parking lot as they walked onto the sidewalk, turning toward the apartment.

  The happiness that Nicolas felt throughout the day was starting to dissipate, the way it always did. He often referred to loneliness as his ‘default emotion,’ because every other emotion was temporary. He felt happy when he was with Sam, or whenever something good happened, but every other time, it always went back down to sadness once the moment wore off.

  They made it to the building, taking the stairs, despite the tiredness the long day brought them.

  “I had fun,” Nicolas told Sam as they made it to room 502.

  “I did too,” Sam smiled.

  They continued through the doorway, and almost immediately, Nicolas could tell that his dad was back. The television was blasting what he thought was a sitcom, because as soon as he stepped into the door, an audience laughed loudly as someone said something, though Nicolas didn’t understand what he said.

  Nicolas’ dad, and his two friends, Matt and Jace, were all sitting on the couch, the only light coming from the TV that flickered a blue glow across their faces, as if they hadn’t even noticed Nicolas and Sam walk in; and Nicolas wondered briefly if maybe they were too drunk to.

  Sam closed the door, and Nicolas began moving toward his bedroom door.

  “Nicolas!” His dad’s voice shook Nicolas’ eardrums, so loud that he wondered how they still hadn’t been kicked out of the place yet.

  He stopped, his hand pausing on the handle, and managed to force out a “hmm?”

  “You’re supposed to be home before nine! What time is it right now?”

  Time for you to chill out, Nicolas wanted to say, though he’d learned that talking back never ended well for him. “Twelve,” he mumbled, his head seeming to buzz from the noise.

  “Leave him alone, dude,” Sam said, still standing near the front door.

  Their dad glared at Sam, but didn’t say anything else for a few moments.

  “You're lucky I'm not feeling well,” their dad replied at last, before taking a swallow of whatever toxic liquid he was drinking. Sam returned his stare, looking completely fearless. Maybe because he knew their dad wouldn’t hurt him, or maybe it was because Sam had won against him once before.

  “Go to bed,” their dad said at last, waving them on. “Forgive ME for wanting to make sure y'all get home before midnight.”

  Don't pretend you care, it's not worth your rotten breath.

  “Alright,” Sam replied, before turning to Nicolas and adding “Goodnight bro.”

  “Goodnight,” Nicolas replied as Sam stepped toward him, wrapping his arms around him.

  The temporary feeling of comfort and love hit Nicolas again, feeling as though Sam were protecting him from the demons that wanted him to be lonely.

  “Thank you,” Nicolas whispered, although the last syllable was almost cut out by tears. “Thank you for everything.”

  “I’m your brother,” Sam replied, just as quietly. “It’s part of the job.”

  ***

  Nicolas’ bed wasn't comfortable, but it definitely could’ve been worse. The mattress was no more than a soft, thin piece of foam. He could feel the metal bars the bed was made of when he slept, but it was better than sleeping on the floor. Nicolas looked blankly up at the dark ceiling, the day starting to feel like it was only a long, distant dream.

  His eyelids felt heavier than usual, and even though it was 3:07 in the morning, Nicolas wasn’t falling asleep. Instead, he stayed awake, thinking about the day, about school, about his life; and even about his death.

  Nicolas closed his eyes, hoping sleep would stop the morbid thoughts from ruining his good day.

  Sleep wouldn't come for a while though. Nicolas never understood how someone could fall asleep so fast, because it surely wasn't a skill he had. Maybe it was just his loneliness that kept him awake, or maybe it was the delayed sleep phase disorder.

  Through the walls, he could hear his dad’s friends leave, before the TV turned off at last. Nicolas decided his dad was probably asleep after half an hour of silence had passed.

  As the time neared four in the morning, Nicolas' mind finally began to shut off as his thoughts turned to dreams, and the last noises he heard were from the ambulances that were surrounding the apartment building below him.

  Nicolas’ dreams were filled with that emotion he'd carried with him for most of his life.

  He should've known something was wrong by the sirens that echoed through his dreams, or the sense of dread beating through his heart, telling him something bad had happened.

  When his eyes opened, there was a knocking sound at the front door.

  Nicolas rose from his uncomfortable bed and began stepping toward the living room. The couch was empty, suggesting that their dad was gone.

  It's probably one of Dad's crack-head friends, he thought with annoyance. But when he glanced through the peephole in the middle of the door, he was surprised by the face he saw.

  He quickly opened the door, making eye contact with the woman standing outside.

  "Aunt Kari?"

  Her curly hair was white with age, and her green earrings matched her eyes. Why isn't she in New York? He hadn't seen her since two Christmases ago. "What's going on?" Her eyes were full of tears, and that feeling of dread that he thought he’d dreamed began to rise back up.

  "I'm sorry Nicolas." Her voice felt broken and hollow. “It's about Sam.”