So… It’s been about ten minutes, and no meteors have crushed me yet. Suspicious… Maybe the higher the luck, the worse it gets? By that logic, I should’ve already melted from the heat. Grok was a broke-ass demon with no budget for an AC unit inside him. Something’s off… Maybe his aura’s still protecting me? If so, I’m damn well making a suit out of him and piloting it like an exoskeleton. Then I’d be a Demonic Human… Er, Demonic Half-Demon. Solid idea, but I doubt I can pull it off. Movement, strength, camouflage… Nah, it’s too good to actually work. I’d need an insane level of focus, magic control, and sensitivity. Plus, I might not even need it. Look, tiny horns are already sprouting on my forehead. Good thing my hair hides them. Or is that bad?… No other anatomical changes so far. I was a bit worried about my feet. You know, finding shoes for hooves is a pain. But practically speaking, I’m not a hobbit to go barefoot on jagged rocks. For now, I’m stuck with the clunky sandals Vyer slapped together, but they’re not exactly comfy.

  It’d be cool to check myself in a mirror. Maybe my eyes glow badass now or something… Back in the day, I could only catch my reflection in the river. Even then, when my dad caught me staring, he’d mutter something under his breath and chuck whatever was in his hand at me. He got a bit paranoid about my masculinity after I said you should bathe daily. Wonder how he’s doing? Probably proud of me now. Thinks he was wrong about me since I’m studying at the academy and all. Bet the baron slipped him some cash. Or not… Yeah, probably not. Hope that bastard hasn’t croaked from obesity yet. You’re only allowed to die by my hand.

  I’ve been chilling in this demon’s corpse for a while. My bones should’ve fused by now. Even if I’m (probably) getting some nutrients from donor blood, I should still feel hungry, but I don’t. I’m guessing hell’s magic is starting to seep into me. Now I’m seriously worried about my libido. I tried thinking of something hot, but all that came up were memories of my fun times with Mary, and my little buddy wasn’t exactly eager to rise. Seems like he’s got a mind of his own and decided to play dead. Oh, wait, my lower body’s paralyzed. Phew… Maybe it’s not all bad.

  Though my organs are healed and bones fused, my spine’s still telling me to fuck off. Crooked ribs are making breathing a pain. Gotta break them again later. My pelvis is pressing weirdly on my bladder, giving me a slight incontinence debuff. Basically… I could lie here forever, but sooner or later, someone’s gonna come sniffing around, so it’s time to get out…

  - What the fuck happened here!? (BOOM!!!)

  Familiar voice… Guess I can’t even think about bad outcomes without them coming true right after.

  - Grok? Vyer?… You little shits, you dead? How dare you croak without my permission?!

  Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

  Yup, that’s the master’s voice.

  - Answer me now!!!

  His head’s way more fucked than I thought. Alright… Calm down… I’m in my hidey-hole. I’m in my hidey-hole. No one sees me. No one hears me.

  - I hear you!

  Fuuuuck… Oh, fuuuuck…

  - I hear your heart pounding. You gone nuts? What the hell are you doing in there? Crazy bastard… Thought you could play dead?

  His steps got louder. Shit… Traitorous fucking heart! What do I do? Can I kill him? Fat chance… He’s gotta be way stronger than Mary, and that bitch, by the way, is nearly level 500. I’m screwed… Why is it that every time I crawl out of one mess, a bigger one takes its place?

  - Where’s the human? You eat him? You’re one sick fuck… Drop it, moron. Good thing I felt like checking on things.

  Oh, my luck was boosted after all. But… He asked where the human is. Could he think Grok’s still alive? The dogs ate all his guts, didn’t they? Fuck, this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done, but…

  - S-sorry, oh g-great m-master… W-we were a-attacked by an u-unknown g-group of d-demons. They k-killed Vyer and t-took the human. I s-survived, but I’m p-paralyzed. – Fuck my nerves… Last time I stuttered this bad was reciting a poem in front of the whole school in fourth grade.

  - Holy fucking hell… No, this is just batshit insane… I’ve never seen such nonsense.

  In one swift move, the master’s hand sliced through Grok’s tough skin like a knife through butter. It shattered his ribs, grabbed me by the throat, and yanked me into the light of day.

  - You?… – His shock was off the charts. Honestly, I never thought eyes could pop out of their sockets like that.

  - Haha… haha… Hey there…

  My cool was gone. A yellowish liquid dripped onto the demon’s feet. Let’s say it’s because of my misaligned pelvic bone.

  - What… The fuck… Happened here?…

  - Uh… haha… haha… I-I’ll e-explain everything. W-we really were attacked by some demons.

  - Demons…

  - Y-yeah… Some armed-to-the-teeth gang on horses. They c-called themselves... emmm... what they... uh... Mongols. Yes. That was Mongols!

  - What the?…

  - I-It’s t-true!

  - Why the hell would they do that?

  - Uh… They didn’t say…

  - And how’d you end up inside this idiot?

  - Haha… Great question… You m-must be one s-smart d-demon.

  Shit… Flattery’s not working. He pulled me closer to his pissed-off face, close enough to see every vein in his glowing yellow eyes. His breath cut through me. His grip tightened around my neck.

  - Answer! Now!

  - O-okay… Okay… I’ll t-tell… Expecto Patronus! – A bright flash from my hands blasted his face.

  - AAAH!!! My eyes!!!

  The demon reflexively flung me away and clutched his damaged eyes. Thank fuck for his reflexes, ‘cause the logical move would’ve been to rip my head off. I flew a good fifty meters and landed neatly on my back. Another crunch.

  - You little fucker! I’ll kill you, you bastard! I’ll torture you to death, then resurrect you and keep torturing! You’ll beg for death! Hear me? I’ve got plenty of healers to keep you alive! Don’t even dream of escaping! There’s no way out! I’ll find you in this state, you bitch!

  Well… We’ve been through all those stages, but no reason to start over. His threats are legit scary. I gotta end this here and now. While he’s half-blind, I might pull it off. Time for my secret technique.

  Remote leg-control technique:

  --- Super-Twitchy Forrest Gump!!! ---

  Run, Forrest, run!