Chapter 51

  “Man, the loot I’m gonna get for killing this bitch,” I thought, dismantling the barrier. But the second it dropped, a counterattack nearly sent me to the afterlife. My legs buckled. My head spun. Everything blurred. My stomach reacted instantly, spewing its guts out. Humanity’s never known a stench like this. It’s chemical-weapon-grade, banned-forever shit. Felt like I walked into an apartment where shit, corpses, and shit-covered drunk hobos had been piling up for centuries. Guess demons don’t have a sense of smell because their receptors die in the egg. No way that shell protects against this.

  - Jesus… Ever heard of a bath?

  - Stay back! Don’t come near me!

  - Goddamn…

  I covered my nose, but it barely helped. The stink seeped through my skin. How long’s she been in this soap bubble? A thousand years? Two? Three? Longer? No plumbing in sight. The fucked-up barrier trapped all that air inside. And this creature probably doesn’t care what she breathes. Higher fucking being, my ass. Brutal… Syria picked that moment to bolt. Perfect timing, ‘cause I can’t stand another second here.

  Swaying side to side, I tried circling the hill’s peak without entering the death zone. The Prime Mother clumsily scrambled down the slope, her eight legs flailing chaotically. Looked like she forgot how to walk. When another egg dropped from her cloaca, she tripped and rolled.

  - Yo! You okay?! – No answer. She tried standing again but didn’t last long. Ten seconds later, she faceplanted and tumbled again.

  - Thought you wanted to kill her. What’s the holdup? – Wilson asked.

  - Gotta catch my breath… That was too fucking much.

  - Something wrong?

  - Oh, yeah… Hit an unexpected defense system.

  - Magic?

  - Worse. You wouldn’t get it.

  - I’m curious.

  - You’re curious about everything, but I can’t explain green to a blind guy. No time anyway. Gotta kill her before she—God forbid—finishes herself… – Syria slipped again, fell, and snapped her neck. Her massive body went limp. – Breaks her own neck…

  - Oof… Looks like she handled it herself. – Wilson noted.

  - Yup…

  - So, you happy now?

  - Hard to say. Lately, the process feels better than the result. Kinda scares me.

  - Don’t get it. The process was always more fun for me. I remember siccing my undead on a village, watching the humans scurry. Good times. Didn’t last long.

  - Yeah… How’re they managing without you now?

  - No clue. Miss those days. I was young, life felt full of joy. Then some insane magic zapped us all here. Like the gods themselves stepped in. I experimented a lot, trying to get back. Thought this prison couldn’t hold my soul, but no dice…

  - Let’s not whine. Check if that bitch is really dead. I ain’t going near her within a kilometer.

  - She’s gone. I can feel it magically. Guaranteed.

  - Alright… Time to lay low again. Weird the hostility debuff didn’t hit her. Was her level that low?

  - Nah. She had crazy high intelligence. Those effects don’t work on her. She was strong in her own way. Her power was in her spawn. Every demon’s tied to her by an invisible thread. We guarded her like the apple of our eye since the whole world was against us. But once we got here, that need faded. The Lord sent her far away. They didn’t get along, by the way.

  - I feel him.

  No interest in their Santa Barbara drama. Time to slip away to safety and keep munching demon brains. Oh, I could make an omelet now! Stepping over white eggshells, I saw dozens of eggs on the slope and far below. In my past life, my cooking peaked at dumplings and pizza. I’m a master chef. Funnily enough, I barely ate meat out there. Like I got isekai’d into a vegetarian story. But here, I’m scarfing demon flesh daily, no limits. Knew hell was the place for true communism.

  We calmly descended, passing Syria’s corpse, when I noticed movement in the distance. Dark shapes appeared on the horizon, rushing toward us. More and more. The ground vibrated lightly, a low hum coming from behind. I turned and saw dozens of enraged doggos and kitties charging down at us.

  - Yo, Wilson… That “invisible thread” with the Prime Mother, just a metaphor, right?

  - Totally. – Guard #2’s corpse said confidently.

  - Wilson, you know what “metaphor” means?

  - Duh!

  - And?

  - Okay, no clue. Your vocab’s weird. I don’t always get you.

  - Got it…

  - Hey! Stop! Where you going!?

  - AAAAAAAA!!!

  - What about me?!

  - AAAAAAAA!!!

  - Wait up!

  Super-jumpy Usain Bolt! I sprinted full tilt. Didn’t even spit on the demoness’s nasty corpse in passing. Screaming like a maniac was way more important. Hordes of monsters rushed to the Prime Mother’s death spot from all sides. Fucking hell… I’ve gotta break through, or I’m in deep shit. Right ahead, dozens of massive bastards barreled toward me. That damn hostility debuff… Every creature that sees me wants to rip something off. Syria’s death must’ve lit a beacon for every demon in hell. If they all show up, I definitely shouldn’t be here!

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  - Yo, Elon! Wait! – Wilson yelled behind me, but I ignored him. He’s the last one I’d worry about. I’ve gotta escape before the beasts from the other side close in. – Hold up! I’ll handle this!

  - Stop! – The Prime Mother’s firm voice rang out.

  - What?… Wilson, that you? – I asked, stopping a few dozen meters from the first wave of monsters.

  Syria stood tall, head tilted behind me.

  - My children, I’m fine! I’m alive! – Her ten eyes winked wildly. – Just tripped while taking a walk. You can scatter! This human’s my breakfast! So shut your traps and get lost! – More winking.

  - Yeah, I know it’s you, stop it.

  Weirdly, it worked. The first wave of monsters halted, staring between me and Wilson.

  - Move it, move it… Nothing to see here! Just an old clumsy hag and her pal. Go do… whatever you do. Run around… You know better.

  But the horde encircling us didn’t rush to obey the impostor. Strange situation. A battle of eyes and instincts… Looks like these beasts understand Wilson. Maybe that’s the Prime Mother’s power. When I was cracking the barrier, random doggos attacked us often. She must control creatures in a certain radius. If this goes well, I can escape under Wilson’s cover. Just gotta rinse my nose with sulfuric acid after.

  - My children… It’s me! Your favorite mom! Why aren’t you listening? – Wilson leaned into the role. Shouldn’t have acted out so many movie scenes for him. My ass senses… Yeah, my ass is a precise tool. Before I finished the thought, he did a dramatic spin, tripped, and landed neck-first on a sharp boulder. His head rolled a million bucks away from his body. Classic… Back to the old plan…

  - AAAAAAAAAAA!!!

  I charged head-on, hoping to break through the dense demon ranks. I screamed ‘cause I was scared shitless. Meters from impact, I unleashed a massive energy beam straight ahead. I leaped over charred bodies, kept blasting magic forward, and occasionally zapped sideways. Mana drained fast. No other way. My kung-fu’s weak against kitties and doggos. I’ve fought dozens of these monsters at once before, but there are hundreds now! And more every second! Every beast in the area’s here, and there’s a ton. First, I’ve gotta break the encirclement.

  I plowed through. My magic’s enough for low-level monsters, but when level 200+ ones showed up, I had to twist and turn. Both hands worked nonstop, stabbing and shocking. From the side, it’s like a tiny boat cutting through dark waves, flashing blue sparks. Like a plasma cutter slicing thick metal. Like ball lightning piercing storm clouds. Looks cool, feels like I’m shoving a metal brush up my ass. The enemy count made my head spin. Even with my sped-up thinking, I barely reacted in time. Gotta hold on a bit longer! Just a bit… YES! Finally… With the feeling of lost anal virginity, I broke through the first wave. The ranks thinned ahead, but now a Mongol horde chased me. Realizing this, I flailed my arms like Jack Sparrow. (Captain Jack Sparrow.) Fuck it! I’m not off the hill yet, so I see new herds closing in from all sides. In the distance, I spotted a giant. A kitty the size of an African elephant. Mana’s melting fast, so I need transport ASAP. But taming that beast’ll take time. I’d need to stop it and turn it around. No way I pull that off before three dozen demons swarm me.

  - WIIIIILSOOOON!!!

  - WHA!? – Answered the doggo I killed a second ago.

  - Target at ten o’clock! – I pointed at the beast, fifty meters away, charging to cut me off.

  - WHAAA!?! – I heard from Wilson.

  Fuck, no time to explain… I jumped over another corpse and hurled my dagger with all my strength. It soared over low-level hellhounds and lodged in the demon’s open maw. I finished it with a lightning blast. It fell but got up a second later, turning to run the other way. It was fast, but I caught up and leaped onto its back.

  My elephant tore forward. Doggos left it alone but tried knocking me off, attacking from the sides. Holding its spine with one hand, I slashed demon faces into a salad with the other. Those dumb enough to stay in the way got steamrolled. This’ll work till we hit a bigger kitty. Thank God, none yet. We’ve been fending off the pack for minutes. I’m too busy fighting to see ahead. The kitty’s huge head blocks my view. Had to trust Wilson for navigation. He’s local, should handle it better.

  The kitty moved crazy fast. Fewer demons hit us from the front. By the time we reached the hill’s base, we had a dozens-of-meters lead on the horde. Seeing that unstoppable demon force behind, my knees shook. I gripped Wilson’s spine tighter. No way I’m facing that alone.

  - Ufaufha… – Wilson tried talking. Probably wants me to pull the dagger from his mouth. Nope… Shut it. I need a breather. Mental one too. I burned over fifty percent of my mana breaking through. Took a ton of physical strength too. While I’ve got the chance, Wilson can work. Weird he’s helping me. Fine, I’ll cook up a Game of Thrones ending for him. It’s trash after season six anyway.

  - Uguguguagua! – Wilson spoke again. His tone worried me. Barely any demons ahead now; I mostly fended off the faster ones. Plenty of those.

  - Ugagagu! – He repeated. Must be important.

  - What? Something ahead?

  - UUU!

  - What? A chasm? Cliff? Lava? Demon horde? Bright future?

  He went quiet. With my luck, it could be a dinosaur pack. Shit… His silence is ominous. I climbed his neck and looked ahead.

  - Oh… I’m fucking lucky today… Bright future it is.

  Two hundred giant kitties charged toward us. Behind them, a deep chasm with thick lava smoke. Beyond that, a towering, smooth black stone cliff.

  - Am I storming a fucking castle?! Seriously?

  I looked around. Everywhere, bloodthirsty monsters covered the plain. No way to avoid them. We’re cornered… Where’d the ones ahead come from? They always there or what? What the fuck is this!?

  - Wilson, you bastard!!! Where’d you lead us?

  - Ugaugaag!

  Fucker… I climbed higher and yanked the knife from his mouth.

  - Couldn’t talk sooner?

  - Fuck off, idiot! Look ahead! If you’ve got topological cretinism, you mention that at the intro!

  - I didn’t know! There wasn’t all this shit here a thousand years ago!

  - Fuuuuck!

  - What do we do?!

  - How should I know!?

  - Don’t panic! It’ll be fine!

  - FINE!? Getting eaten by demons ain’t fucking fine!

  - It’s not that bad. Happened to me before.

  - Dumbass, I’m not immortal like you!

  - Shame. You’d tell me all the stories then.

  - AAA! Stop distracting me! Focus!

  Fuck, what’s to think? Wilson can’t break through those kitties. I’d get trampled alone. Turning back’s no good either. Only way’s up. I look at the sky and ponder…

  - Run straight and don’t stop!

  - What’s the plan?

  - We’re playing Mario…

  - What?!

  - Shut up and run! Charge!!! Geronimo!

  I stood on Wilson’s back. Hell surfing, motherfucker… Balancing’s a bitch. The enemy wall closes in, unstoppable like a tsunami. Their gaping maws await me. Bet there’d be a hell of a fight over my body. Never got this much attention in life. Sigh… No amazon race with similar debuffs around? Don’t wanna commit genocide for fame like some people.

  Here’s the moment of truth! Wilson slams into the first kitty at full speed. I push off his back, launching upward. Gotta time this jump perfectly; I can’t adjust mid-air. I land on another beast’s back and leap again. Saw Neo do this in The Matrix. Key’s not landing a foot in an open mouth.

  After a few flips, I hit the ground and zapped lightning to buy escape time. Took seconds to hop past all the kitties. Now try catching me. I’m faster, so I’ll be first… to fall in the lava…

  I hit cosmic speed, or it felt like it. The chasm’s thirty meters wide. At my level, I can clear it, but beyond is a hundred-meter obsidian-smooth cliff. Nothing to grab. Can’t pierce it with a dagger. One shot to survive, and I gotta bust my ass so hard an American destroyer with full ammo fits in it.

  Left foot lands half a meter from the edge, and I’m soaring toward the glossy black surface, reflecting orange lava glows below. Calm… Focus… It’s fine… Just concentrate… I’m a leaf on the wind… I hugged my knees and slammed into a small pocket I carved with an annihilation spell just before impact.

  I slowly opened my eyes. No tunnels with light. No apostles. No Elvis. Just the monotonous growl of hundreds of pissed-off creatures across the chasm. Another epic save on my record. Bruce Willis ain’t got shit on me.

  Finally, I can relax. To get out, I need to restore mana. Gotta climb again. For now, I’ll chill in my lonely window and flip off the doggos. They’ll get bored eventually.

  Spoiler: They didn’t.