Chapter 54

  Never happened before, and yet here we go again. Paralyzed by some cheater-ass magic, captured by a psycho demon, I’m being hauled to meet the head bastard of this cursed place. Why I’m getting so much attention, I don’t know. How he knows about me, I don’t know. What he needs me for, I don’t know. Why I’m still alive… I… There’s not much I do know anymore. Am I some big shot? A politician’s kid? Someone gonna pay a ransom? Or maybe I’m just fucking delicious? If this was the promised Neverland, I’d have been eaten before I hit six.

  Three bodies zoomed through sulfur-soaked air, a hundred meters above ground, at airplane speed. Below stretched black plains slashed by bright red rivers. Lava lakes glowed in spots. Jagged cliffs and mountain ranges loomed elsewhere. This landscape makes me wanna puke. I wanted to yell at the developers of this location that there are colors besides red, yellow, and black.

  A massive wall appeared on the horizon, towering overhead and vanishing into dark clouds. We flew closer and followed its curve. You could see it bending, spiraling tighter and tighter.

  - Yo, demon, you’re into building walls and shit, right? Why not carve a tunnel through this one? Or are you a Junji Ito fanboy?

  - These walls can’t be damaged. They just… are.

  - Got it, shut up.

  - What a feisty little beast… Daring to talk to me like that. – Axis said with a weird grin.

  - Yeah, yeah, just shut the fuck up…

  - So rude… Wonder how you’d sing if I broke your arms?

  - In German… – I said coolly, making the demon raise an eyebrow. Next moment, telekinesis twisted my body. My joints bent at unnatural angles.

  - Sorry, I don’t speak German. Can only mimic Rammstein a bit.

  - He doesn’t feel pain? Incredible… Always something new! – The fucking demon sang again. But my joints snapped back. Thanks for that, I guess.

  - You all this unhinged in hell?

  - Ziddy, what’s this human babbling about? You get him?

  - Well, life here’s pretty dull, so as you see… – Wilson started explaining himself to me.

  - Nobody asked you, Judas. – I shot back.

  - I’m asking you, Zid. Some dialect?

  - Fuck-alect.

  - Who’s Judas? – Wilson asked. – From Star Wars?

  - Ziddy, don’t ignore me, or I’ll get offended.

  - Both of you, shut the fuck up! You’re all driving me insane, you pricks! Can’t you just leave me alone and fuck off? Why do you gotta screw with me? Can you just kill me? Please, I won’t even fight. Just let me get the hell out of here for good!

  My fiery speech hit their hearts. They burst out laughing. What was I expecting? Why would I get comfort in hell?

  The flight didn’t last long. The wall curved tighter, and a couple hours later, a legit medieval demonic metropolis sprawled before us. Grotesque buildings cluttered narrow streets in total chaos. Houses were decked with statues: stone demons devouring humans, huge dragons spewing fire, horrific chimeras locked in endless battles. Slender succubus bodies with spread wings looked ready to take off and join us. Good thing they’re just statues and won’t actually do it.

  Tall black towers, with lava streaming down in bright streaks, sprouted like mushrooms. Domed buildings studded with glittering crystals loomed over demons wandering below, glaring at us with malice. Are they hostile or just jealous this dude can fly? A wide orange river split the city, crossed by stone bridges adorned with statues depicting violence, cruelty, and murder in every way. This place screams it wants you dead. Like an event horizon—once you’re here, you’re never getting out. Across the river, pressed against the massive wall marking hell’s edge, stood a huge red palace with dozens of sharp spires. It lorded over the city like Sauron’s eye. I stared at this architectural marvel, one thought stuck in my head: looks like Prague.

  As expected, we headed for the palace. Up close, it took my breath away. Long, zigzagging stairs led to a wide iron gate, cast with rows of human faces screaming in agony. Similar reliefs covered two fifty-meter columns flanking the gate. At their tops, massive demon statues with gaping maws crushed human skulls like walnuts.

  We landed just past the gate. The sheer number of statues in the courtyard was insane, radiating blind fury. Honestly, they’ve got a statue fetish down here. Why so many? And all the same. Someone should sculpt a kitty or a unicorn for variety… This is creative burnout. A wide path lined with small lava fountains led to the palace entrance. No living demons here. My captors walked, while I floated behind. Guess they don’t trust me to walk. We reached the threshold. Any second now, I’d meet him… the Demon King. Weird feeling. Hard to describe.

  The entrance bore a long red spiral that split in two as the doors opened. We stepped inside. The massive hall could fit a plane. Countless columns propped up a high ceiling painted with bloody Renaissance scenes. Fire-filled braziers on each column lit the space. The glossy black obsidian floor reflected their dim glow. Ahead, under huge stained-glass windows with familiar violent themes, a bulky golden throne sat on a tall pedestal. And there, sprawled lazily, was the Demon King.

  He was slightly bigger than the average demon, but his presence alone made me shake. Beneath snowy silk robes, his coal-black body seemed to smolder with smoke. A dark aura cloaked him head to toe. Three pairs of twisted horns curled upward intricately. His eyes blazed like a blast furnace replaced his organs. A lavish golden crown with sharp spikes adorned his brow.

  The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

  As we neared the steps, two guards in stunning golden armor stopped us. My escorts knelt and bowed. Telekinesis forced me to, slamming my face into the shiny black floor.

  - My Lord, your command is fulfilled. – Axis groveled.

  - Well done, Axis. Good work. – The Lord replied, his quiet, commanding voice filling the space.

  - Always happy to serve. By the way, your performance at the ceremony was flawless, as always.

  - Hm… Thanks. You know I always give it my all. Now, let’s see this guy up close.

  My body floated up again.

  - This is the dude? Looks pretty frail. (Frail, my ass… I’m fucking Rambo. What’re we even talking about?)

  - So, who are you, and where’d you come from? – The Lord turned to me. I should get a jersey with my name on it, ‘cause this question’s getting old as fuck. Bet he’ll grab me by the throat next. But I’m not crawling for this dickhead. I’ve got enough experience to act confident. I mustered all my nerve and declared:

  - I… am the Lord of Pain… – (Felt like claiming a title to match him. Pain’s the one thing I own completely. Not gonna rip off Iron Man, after all.) For a moment, the demon went quiet. Then he squinted, surprised.

  - Lord of Pain? Nah… You’re a martyr at best. Bring in the poor bastard. Call Shard too.

  A guard hurried to obey, returning seconds later dragging… a creature. No other word fits. A middle-aged man with a crazed expression. His wide eyes darted endlessly, never stopping. His mouth gaped in a smile or a silent scream. Thin gray hair hung in strands over gaunt, hunched shoulders. Ribs poked through scarred skin, his legs barely holding him up. A few steps in, he collapsed at the Lord’s feet.

  - Look, this is a Lord of Pain. – The demon said, like a biology teacher showing a rare animal photo. He casually dragged a sharp claw across the man’s chest, leaving a deep gash. Blood poured onto the glossy floor. The man laughed hysterically, body convulsing, eyes racing faster. Seconds later, the wound healed completely.

  - See? – The Lord asked, chuckling softly. He clawed the man again, laughing louder at what he thought were funny groans. I stood there, jaw dropped, freaking the fuck out. Without my lightning magic, I’d be that guy.

  - His fast regeneration stops aging. But for healers, as you see, he’s useless now. Until recently, he was my pet, but thanks to you, he’s got a job again.

  I kept standing, mouth open. My bravado evaporated.

  - Take him back. Can’t leave the egg without blood too long, or the Mother will revive weaker.

  - Yes, My Lord. – The guard said.

  - Praise the gods, our wise Lord knows how to revive the Progenitor. – Axis sucked up again.

  - Small stuff… – The King replied awkwardly. I was snapping back to reality, just as his words about reviving sank in.

  - Wait, what? Revive? You can revive her? – All my efforts felt like they went down the shitter.

  - Of course. – The Lord answered. – Let me tell you her origin story. Long ago, in Shvagonrok’s depths, giant spiders lived. You probably know many creatures have magic. These did. Sometimes, a magical creature is born extra powerful. Thousands of years ago, one such egg was left by a spider where blood from the castle’s torture chambers flowed. For centuries, it absorbed the pain, fear, hatred, and rage of those victims until one fine day, Syria was born. Child of fire and darkness. One obsession burned in her mind: devour, destroy, burn. Feeding on human blood, she birthed the demon race to kill them all. To bring her back, take an egg and soak it in human blood for a century.

  Well… He’s either batshit crazy or slinging bullshit to keep everyone calm. I went quiet, listening to this nonsense.

  - Know why hell’s a spiral? – The Lord asked.

  - Uh… Nope. (No fucking clue.)

  - Me too…

  For a moment, he made a thoughtful face, like pondering something deep.

  - Alright, where’s Shard taking so long? – He finally asked.

  - Here, My Lord. – A blue-eyed demon answered, kneeling nearby for a few seconds already.

  - Oh, fuck… Don’t sneak up like that.

  - I beg forgiveness. Allow me to cut off my head as penance.

  - Shit, keep it up, and I might let you one day.

  - Uh… Sorry, My Lord. – Shard said awkwardly.

  - Anyway. Check out this guy. – The Lord pointed at my face.

  Shard’s blue eyes scanned me head to toe. First time I saw blue in hell. Thought I’d be thrilled, but nope, didn’t care. Felt like I got an MRI. Please don’t say I have cancer.

  - Half-demon, level ninety-two, slave, lightning element, martyr, demon hunter, child-killer… – He paused, shocked. – Must be a mistake…

  - You’re the mistake. – I snapped, a bit pissed.

  - Look, he’s got horns. – Axis said. – Definitely not human anymore.

  - But how can he get the hunter title before level one hundred?

  - Was a hell of a party. – I said smugly.

  - Impossible! – Shard protested.

  - Why? It was a party. – Wilson chimed in.

  - You don’t trust your own eyes? – Axis asked. – Then check these out.

  Axis handed the blue-eyed demon my two daggers.

  - “Lightbringers”! Ignore seventy percent of demon defense. Legendary weapons!

  - Light-what? Hold up… What else are you hiding from me? What’s this defense? What’re you ignoring? Hey! Answer me! Don’t ignore me!

  - He’s…

  - Pay no mind, My Lord, he’s a bit off. – Wilson cut in, twirling a finger by his temple to hint at my “off-ness.”

  - Where’d you get these? – Shard pounced on me.

  - Borrowed from a friend.

  - Liar.

  - Traded for a paperclip.

  - Liar!

  - Won ‘em in a lottery?

  - How dare you keep lying?!

  - It just comes easy looking at your face.

  The pissed demon raised a hand to smack me, but Axis stopped him.

  - Shard, sweetie, easy on the drama. It doesn’t matter.

  - Sorry, My Lord. – The blue-eyed demon calmed down.

  I felt a surge of strength for a counterattack and jumped in.

  - Listen, Lord or whatever… I’ve got a business proposal. – I started. – You’re probably impressed with my skills and all, so why not hire me?

  I heard jaws hit the floor but ignored it and kept going.

  - I’m not big on humans myself. Not some introvert or anything, but those bastards sold me into slavery and all that. You seem like a solid boss with progressive views and smart goals. I heard your general ranks are thinning out. I personally offed three… So, your staff’s kinda shit. And completely nuts, all of them. How do you manage? That guy sings every five minutes, enough to drive anyone insane… I served in the army, know the chain of command. I could handle covert missions topside. I’d be the perfect undercover agent. I could train your demons too. Got good experience. Honestly, your demons suck at magic. I had to teach a healer who was practicing on me. That’s absurd! You need reforms, pronto. I’m your guy. I’d help, provided no one kills me anymore. I’m low-maintenance, don’t need much. Just a room, a soft mattress, real food from the surface, water, a toilet, plumbing, a personal healer, and a succubus on staff. Easy to arrange. Trust me, you won’t regret hiring a talent like me.

  I finished my pitch with a friendly smile and held it for a few seconds. None of the demons moved. The Lord blinked a few times, more shocked than the rest, but in a weird way. Hard to explain.

  - I get it, general’s a bit much. Colonel then? No? Lieutenant colonel? Major? Fine… Captain. How’s captain sound? Still no? Okay, lieutenant’s my final offer. No less. So, we shaking on it?

  …

  Something went wrong again. Seemed like a fair deal. Maybe the mattress was too much? Who knows… That asshole didn’t even reply. Doesn’t matter now. I’m standing in a massive arena, “Lightbringers” in hand, waiting for today’s next hundred pissed-off doggos. Gotta kill them all for the amusement of a small crowd, unless I want to end up as their food waste.

  Fun fact: I’m still alive.