1.32: The Great ConI froze in pce.

  Totally frozen where I was.

  My noh-brain tried to sprint in several directions at once, and instead performed a full system crash, as though that was an olympic feat.A policeman had grabbed me. We were caught. We were right next to the tunnel. This was the worst possible moment.

  My mind began running scenarios like a malfunctioning sentai tactical computer.

  Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi!!!!

  Scenario One: Tell the Truth

  “There’s a vilin in the tunnel! A monster! I’m a sentai hero! I have to fight it!”

  Officer: “Are you an idiot? Monsters aren’t real. Sentai aren’t real either. You’re not a ranger! you’re just a grown man in pajamas.”

  Instant failure. I’d get tackled, arrested, and yelled at for acting insane.

  Scenario Two: Punch the officer. Flip over the chain. Run.

  We escape… for about ten seconds.Then twenty policemen descend on us like a SWAT raid.I get tased. Rui gets tased.I go full Noh-face in custody.

  Ends in failure with bonus electrocution.

  Scenario Three: Py the part of a lunatic.

  “Ah, sorry! I’m crazy! Don’t mind me!”

  Officer: “What about your daughter over there? If you’re so crazy you’d drag her into a train tunnel, you’re dangerously unstable. An unfit parent.”

  Result:I go to a mental ward.Rui goes to juvenile detention, until they ID check her.Twenty-four-hour detainment minimum.By the time we get out, I’ll be a full-blown Noh-face, roaming the streets licking windows.

  A total, complete, catastrophic failure.

  Every option ended the same way. Every single path led to…

  Doom. Doom. Doom.

  My brain made a noise like the Windows XP error sound.

  Before I could think of another scenario… Something Else DUMBER THAN THE LAST IDEA…

  The officer jerked my arm hard behind me, returning me to reality.

  Oh right… as though time was going to stop and wait for us to figure out a way out of this.

  “That’s enough!” he barked. “Stop messing with me! You’re under arrest for causing trouble in the station, sneaking into a restricted area, and failure to cooperate with the investigation!”

  Before I could even yelp, he swept my legs out from under me. I hit the ground with enough force that my helmet bounced. Both of my arms were behind me and I was stunned.

  He yanked my arms upwards to cuff me.

  “Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi!!!!” I yelled.

  Of all the scenarios I imagined,Doing Nothing … was the only one I hadn’t considered.

  And that was going swimmingly.

  “W–wait—!”

  There was a complete shift in the air.

  Rui’s voice hit the ptform like a nuclear bomb.

  “DADDY!!”

  The policeman and I both stopped breathing.

  Rui sprinted toward us, her tears streaming so convincingly she could’ve won an Oscar, a Grammy, a Nobel Peace Prize, and the annual “Most Powerful Emotional Maniputor” award all at once.

  “Officer, please don’t hurt Daddy!” she cried, voice cracking adorably. “I was running away! I’m sorry! I’m so sowwy!”

  I noh-gaped up at her.Her face was bright red.Her eyes overflowed like broken faucets.Her lower lip wobbled.

  She fell to her knees beside me… in a perfect tragic anime daughter posture.

  “Uwaaahhhh! Please, Officer-san! Don’t punish Daddy! He was only trying to stop me from running into the tunnel! I just wanted to see where trains are born! I didn’t knooooow!”

  “Wh— trains… being… born?”My brain spasmed.What… monstrosity would give birth to trains?My imagination tried to form an image and immediately regretted it.

  What I pictured would have been bloody nose-worthy if it wasn’t too weird and creepy to behold.

  Rui wailed louder.

  “P-please Daddy! Are you hurt?! Mommy will hate me! I got you huuuurt! I promise I’ll never be a bad girl again!”

  She clung to my arm.Her tears dripped dramatically onto my glove.She trembled like a lost puppy.

  It was the most convincing set of crocodile tears I had witnessed in my entire life.

  I felt awe.I felt dread.I felt deep, primal fear of this tiny gremlin's power.

  She wasn’t just a loli oni.

  She was a tiny demon demigod of extreme emotional manipution.

  Onnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiii!!

  The policeman broke. On the spot..

  “Oh— oh no— I’m so sorry, sir!” he sputtered, releasing my arms like I was suddenly radioactive. “I was far too harsh with you!”

  HE WHAT?

  He scrambled to help me up, brushing dirt off my costume like he was prepping a groom for his wedding photoshoot.

  “My apologies! My deepest apologies!” he babbled. “We’re all on edge tonight, you see, but that doesn’t excuse my behavior! I’ve failed as an officer! Please forgive me!”

  He bowed.He bowed deeply repeatedly.To both of us.

  He actually scraped the floor with his forehead.

  I could only behold the miracle before me somewhat outside my body. I was almost there.

  The loli oni had just defeated the Tokyo Metropolitan Police with nothing but weaponized cuteness.

  This was Rui’s final form.

  I wasn’t sure who I feared more anymore.Was it the Noh-face and it’s terrifying face……or my partner?

  Abruptly I snapped back into my body.

  “Ah… ahaha… it’s okay, my sweet daughter!” I wailed, throwing my arms around Rui in a dramatic hug, that was one hundred percent unfaked. I clung to her like a devastated anime father reunited with his long-lost child.

  Kami, she saved us! She legitimately saved our lives!

  “I love you too! Just please behave in the future… for the honor of our family!”My voice quivered as I added, “We need to leave immediately. Let’s bow, R-Reiko—”

  The moment I said it, I nearly spped myself so hard my helmet would’ve flown into orbit.

  I’d used that sacred name.I’d used that precious name on this gremlin.

  What had just happened?

  Rui blinked… genuinely thrown for a loop. For a split second, she, too, felt the weight of the name.Then she turned it into fuel for herself.

  “Uwaaaaaaa! Reiko-chan will do her very best, Daddy! You’re the best father ever!”She hugged me back… way too tightly. Exceptionally tightly. Bones-creakingly tightly.

  Oh no… I thought… ughhhh…

  Now I was crying genuinely. In pain.

  We bent forward in an odd, synchronized half-bow since she refused to release me. It’s extremely hard to kowtow while making an escape with a loli oni gripping you in a ruthless chokehold. Then, suddenly, she sprang away and performed a cheerful little dance instead of bowing properly and I was able to breathe again.

  …She let go of me to protect her pride, probably.The little oni had standards.

  The officer cpped a hand over his heart, voice trembling.

  “Of course! Please have a wonderful holiday night! I’m so moved by your familial love! I’ll cherish my own daughter even more now! Our daughters must be treasured!”

  It was an unexpected, unwarranted, unwanted moment of parental pride that I couldn't actually share.

  I stared in horror. Thank Kami for this helmet.

  D-did Rui and I just accidentally create a daughter-con1?!Did we make Japan a better pce?Or much, much, much worse?

  Wait.

  THIS WAS ONI’S PLAN.

  NOT MINE.

  SHE DID THIS.

  But… she did save our butts. So I couldn’t compin too loudly.

  Before she could grab my hand and drag me around like a toddler walking out her exhausted, maybe senile father, I grabbed her hand first and pulled her along. We ran together, the officer waving after us emotionally, like we were the final scene of some live sentimental family sitcom.

  I gnced back.His face was still radiating pure paternal joy.

  But then…

  I turned forward and froze.

  A new nightmare awaited us.

  “That man was on the train!”The annoying woman from earlier marched toward the policeman like a herald of doom. “You’re investigating the damage, right? These two were behind it!”

  Oh no.OH NO.

  She jabbed a finger dramatically.“He and his daughter… if that’s actually even his daughter… they staged everything! A fake sentai battle onboard! A promotional stunt for their employer!”

  Rui and I shared a look of pure, shared, unvarnished deep terror..

  The policeman’s fatherly glow vanished like it had been stabbed to death.

  “I know it sounds far-fetched,” the woman continued smugly, “but the advertisement on his backside proves what they were up to!”

  She pointed directly at my butt.

  My butt.My billboard butt.

  Thanks for that Natalia-sama…

  The officer’s expression darkened like a thunder god had personally possessed him.

  “It’s exactly as you said!” he snapped. “I was a fool to believe that nonsense! Because of my soft heart, these criminals nearly escaped justice!”

  “The daughter-con1 enchantment wore off!!!” I screamed.

  The policeman froze… his pupils dited to full size for one stunned heartbeat…Then his eyes narrowed into razor-thin murder-slits.

  Ooops…

  “Oh… oh crap—RUN!” Rui shrieked.

  We sprinted.

  Boots smmed on concrete behind us.

  “STOP, CRIMINALS!” the policeman roared.

  “You can do it, Officer!” the evil woman cheered. “You’re Tokyo’s heroes! Arrest them!”

  She was the REAL oni.The TRUE vilin of this arc.

  Rui sped ahead, slipping between commuters like a tiny, frantic ninja. I barreled after her, my cape fpping dramatically behind me. People scattered, vending machines blurred by, announcements chimed overhead:

  “Trains are temporarily suspended due to an incident…”

  OF COURSE THEY WERE.

  We sprinted across the entire length of the ptform. This was the second time for me. When suddenly a whole battalion of policemen appeared ahead, blocking our escape.

  “H A L T!”

  We skidded to a stop.

  Sweat poured.Hearts raced.Every exit was blocked.

  And then…

  Everything went silent.

  1 Daughter-con: A person who dotes on a daughter… either real or “adopted”—to an excessive or unhealthy degree. This trope often appears in manga/anime to comedic effect, though in real life it can be… complicated.

  Relwing