The deeper they went, the less reality felt obligated to cooperate.

  The pink-and-bck checkerboard rocks gave way to worse things. The air felt thin. Sounds didn't echo; they just fell ft, as if the world had been stuffed with cotton to save on processing power.

  Gideon stopped suddenly, his armored boot hovering over the floor.

  "My Lord Kai," Gideon whispered, his voice vibrating with knightly concern. "Do not step there. A mad wizard has repced the stone floor with... a painting of a sweetroll. A very rge, blurry sweetroll."

  Kai looked down. The stone texture had failed to load, repcing itself with a stretched-out, pixeted image of a pastry.

  "Just don't step on the frosting," Kai said, stepping gingerly onto a crust-colored pixel. "It might be sticky."

  They rounded a final, jagged corner which Gideon described as "looking like the skeleton of the world" and entered the central chamber.

  It wasn't a cave. It was a void. The walls were a ft, aggressive grey that made Kai's eyes water. And in the center, standing in a perfect circle, were the "Deleted" adventurers.

  There were four of them: Borg the Warrior, Era the Mage, Vex the Rogue, and Brother Oates the Priest.

  "By the Light!" Gideon gasped, rushing forward across the pastry-floor. "They live! Ho there, brothers!"

  "Stop!" Kai lunged, grabbing Gideon’s cape. "Don't touch them. Listen."

  Gideon froze. A sound was radiating from the frozen figures. It wasn't breathing. It was a deep, corrupted, synthesized drone.

  Duuuun... Duuun... Diiiin... Dooooon...

  To Kai, it was the Windows XP shutdown sound, slowed down by 690% and looping eternally.

  "They are chanting a death dirge," Gideon whispered, horrified. "A spell of the Deep Dark."

  "No," Kai said, his voice trembling. "It’s a crash loop. They're stuck in the loading screen."

  A cold shiver went down Kai's spine. This was his true fear. Not death. Buffering. Becoming a geometry shape humming a forgotten OS theme song forever.

  SCREEEEE-KZZZRT!

  The air twisted, tore open, and briefly dispyed a fming "404" before the Boss emerged.

  It was a Null Pointer Beast—a shifting mass of static. One second it was a wolf made of jagged gss; the next, it was a teapot with teeth.

  "It is a shapeshifter!" Gideon roared, raising his pumpkin. "It cannot decide on a form!"

  "It's hideous!" Pigglesworth shrieked, shielding his eyes. "It looks unfinished! Who approved this design? It cks symmetry!"

  The Beast lunged, moving in choppy, strobe-light jumps.

  "System!" Kai screamed in panic. "Banishing Strike!"

  [Processing: "Banishing Trike"]

  PING-SQUEAK.

  A small, bright red tricycle with yellow tassels dropped from the ceiling. It nded in front of the Beast.

  The Beast stopped. It tilted its glitchy head. It tentatively poked the tricycle’s bell with a static cw. Ding.

  The Beast recoiled and roared—a sound like a dial-up modem mating with a blender.

  "A Chariot of Red Iron!" Gideon marveled. "Is this a war machine?"

  "It's a distraction!" Kai yelled. "Gideon! Strike it!"

  "I cannot!" Gideon shouted, swinging his pumpkin through the beast's chest without resistance. "My weapon passes through it like smoke! It is a phantom!"

  Kai backed up against the grey wall. The XP shutdown drone grew louder. I’m going to be deleted.

  "I demand to speak to your supervisor!"

  Viscount Pigglesworth stepped forward. He was holding his empty teacup like a weapon of mass destruction. He looked livid.

  "Look at this pce!" Pigglesworth shouted at the glitching teapot-monster. "The floor is a painting of a dessert! The staff is humming dreadful music! And you... you look like a child's scribble!"

  The Beast hissed, flickering violently.

  "Don't you hiss at me!" Pigglesworth snapped. "I am activating my rights as a Ptinum Guild Member! BRING ME THE MANAGER!"

  [Executing: Open Task_Manager.exe]

  The air glitched violently. A massive, semi-transparent grey rectangur window popped into existence, floating right in front of the monster's face.

  To Kai, it was the Windows Task Manager. To Pigglesworth, it was a Gss Tablet of Compints.

  The Beast smmed face-first into the floating tablet. It turned grey and froze mid-lunge. A giant, spinning hourgss appeared above its head.

  "Behold!" Gideon gasped. "Lord Pigglesworth has summoned the Tablet of Judgment! He has frozen the beast in time!"

  "Look at this ledger," Pigglesworth scoffed, squinting at the flickering text list of processes. "Look at this name. [Beast_AI.exe]. What sort of name is that? It sounds foreign. Probably Elvish. Unacceptable."

  Pigglesworth raised a trembling finger. He pointed at the button marked [End Task]. He didn't know what a "Task" was, but he knew what "End" meant.

  "You are dismissed," Pigglesworth sneered. "Get out of my sight."

  CLICK.

  [Terminating Process.]

  The Beast didn't die. It just blipped. The space where it stood was suddenly empty.

  The XP shutdown drone stopped abruptly.

  "Matter... resolved," Pigglesworth whispered, adjusting his cuffs. "The staff... has been fired."

  Then his eyes rolled back. "I require... a scone... of unreasonable size."

  THUD.

  He colpsed face-first onto the pastry floor.

  Kai checked Pigglesworth's status. [Status: System Crash. Rebooting in 72 Hours.]

  Behind them, the four adventurers colpsed, coughing.

  "I saw the white tunnel," Borg the Warrior gasped, clutching his chest. "And a spinning circle... the Wheel of Eternity..."

  "My mana felt... thick," Era the Mage shuddered. "Like cold porridge."

  Vex the Rogue looked around wildly. "Where is the Shifting Wolf? Did it consume us?"

  "It is banished," Gideon said solemnly, pointing at the unconscious Viscount. "Lord Pigglesworth dismissed it with a Tablet of Gss."

  They looked at Pigglesworth, who was drooling on the pixeted sweetroll.

  "Him?" Borg frowned. "The one in the ruined pajamas?"

  "Nay," Era whispered, her eyes going wide as she pointed to the center of the room. "Do not listen to the Knight. He is kind, but confused. Look."

  She pointed at the Red Tricycle.

  It sat there, gleaming. The tassels fluttered in a non-existent wind.

  "What is it?" Brother Oates whispered, terrified.

  "It is the Engine of Creation," Vex breathed, crawling toward it on his knees. "Look at the wheels. Three of them. A trinity of rubber and gold. And the tassels... they must be feelers for sensing the spirit world."

  "It's a toy," Kai said weakly. "It squeaks when you sit on it."

  "A holy squeak!" Brother Oates cried, bowing his head to the floor. "A hymn of rubber!"

  Kai looked at the sleeping Pigglesworth, then at the four hardened adventurers worshipping a toddler's bike.

  "You know what?" Kai sighed. "Sure. It’s a god-bike. Let’s just get out of here."