The Battle of the Styles ended with a sound like wet velcro tearing.

  "Careful!" Duke Aubergine shrieked from inside the roll of Red Duct Tape. "You are wrinkling the bubble wrap! I am not a carpet! I am a cylinder of vengeance!"

  "He is heavy," one of the Leek Syndicate minions who was still around grunted, hoisting the red tube onto his shoulder. "He contains much... ego."

  "I heard that!" The Duke’s voice was muffled. "When I emerge from this cocoon, I shall have you sanded down! I shall have you turned into... beige wallpaper!"

  "walk faster," the minion whispered to his friend.

  The party watched in silence as the minions carried their shouting leader away, disappearing over the hill like ants.

  "So," Kai exhaled, leaning against the packing peanut filled fountain. "That’s over."

  "Is it?" Pigglesworth picked a piece of Styrofoam off his monocle. "He threatened to return as a moth. I am not fond of moths. They eat velvet."

  "We have time," Kai said, looking at the mess around them. "For now, we rest."

  [ MEANWHILE... AT THE GUILD HALL ]

  While the main square was recovering, the rest of Oakhaven was trying and failingto make sense of the new world.

  In front of the Adventurer’s Guild, two low-level NPCs Chad the Barbarian and Xarthos the Wizard were standing in awed silence.

  They were staring at a Wooden chair.

  It wasn't a special chair. It was one of the hundreds the Duke had stacked during his tower construction. But this particur chair was floating three feet off the ground, rotating slowly on a diagonal axis due to a collision glitch.

  "It is a sign," Chad said, gripping his axe. "The furniture creates a barrier. We cannot enter the Guild."

  "It is levitation magic," Xarthos stroked his fake beard. "A high-level ward. The Guildmaster must be conducting a ritual inside. A ritual of... spinning."

  "Should I smash it?" Chad asked, flexing.

  "Do not!" Xarthos warned, spping Chad's arm. "If you smash a floating chair, you might disrupt the mana flow! You could trigger a chain reaction that unbinds gravity itself! We must respect the anomaly."

  Chad nodded solemnly. "You are wise, Xarthos. We shall wait."

  "Yes," Xarthos agreed. "We shall wait until the chair runs out of mana and falls."

  The two of them stood there, watching the glitched chair spin endlessly, convinced they were witnessing a grand magical event rather than a physics error.

  [ BACK AT TOWN SQUARE ]

  Back in the square, the mood was less "Magical Awe" and more "Culinary Confusion."

  Grom had just arrived and suggested a quick make shift barbecue session as a part of team building exercise for morale building.

  Grom had kicked over a burning barrel and thrown a metal grate on top. He was grilling sbs of gray, unidentifiable meat that sizzled with a suspicious green smoke.

  "What is this beast?" Gideon asked, poking a steak with his finger. It bounced back like rubber.

  "It is The Bulk Buy," Grom grunted, flipping a sb with a dagger. "High protein. Low fvor. It fills the bar."

  "It looks pale," Maya frowned, holding her paintbrush. "It cks passion. It cks... saturation."

  "It is meat," Grom grunted. "Eat."

  "No," Maya shook her head. "I can fix this."

  She drew her brush and focused on Burnt Umber colour paint…

  "Maya, wait," Kai warned, sitting on the edge of the fountain. "You can't just paint fvor onto food."

  "Watch me," Maya said.

  She painted aggressive brown stripes onto the raw gray meat to simute char marks. Then she added a gloss coat of 'Olive Oil Varnish' (which was actually yellow ochre) to make it glisten.

  "Done," Maya beamed, handing a sb to Gideon. "Spicy dragon steak. Cooked to perfection."

  Gideon’s eyes widened. "It glows with the heat of the fire! A meal fit for a champion!"

  He took a massive bite.

  He froze. He chewed. He frowned. He swallowed with great difficulty.

  "Well?" Maya asked.

  "It tastes..." Gideon wheezed, his eyes watering. "...like a wet canvas."

  "It is the taste of art," Maya decred, painting a smiley face on her own steak.

  "It is poison," Pigglesworth whispered, tossing his piece into the packing peanut fountain.

  Kai didn't eat. He was watching the sky. The white crack the scar left by the mouse cursor was pulsing. It wasn't angry, but it was open.

  "Kai?" Maya nudged him, wiping paint off her mouth. "Why the long face? We won."

  "Did we?" Kai pointed at the ground near the fire.

  Lying in the dirt was a piece of paper. It hadn't come from Oakhaven. It had fallen from the sky during the battle, fluttering down from the white void.

  "Gideon," Kai said. "Read that scroll."

  Gideon picked up the paper with reverent hands. It was small, white, and crinkled.

  "It is a message from the gods," Gideon whispered. "A list of their demands!"

  "Read it," Kai sighed.

  "They demand..." Gideon squinted at the faded ink. "One dozen eggs."

  "Eggs?" Grom asked, chewing on a bone. "Dragon eggs?"

  "It does not specify!" Gideon trembled. "And... oh, the horror. They demand Ibuprofen."

  "Ibuprofen?" Pigglesworth gasped. "Is that a demon?"

  "A powerful one," Kai nodded grimly. "It consumes pain. But the cost... read the cost, Gideon."

  Gideon looked at the bottom of the receipt. The logo was of Boots Pharmacy.

  ‘Where is the cost? Said Gideon ,” just beside it’ said Kai

  "It costs..." Gideon choked. "8 some arcane symbol." …”Pounds” said Kai….

  Pigglesworth dropped his lettuce leaf.

  "Eight pounds?!" The Viscount panicked. "Eight pounds of what? Gold? Iron? Flesh?"

  "Just... Pounds," Kai said, trying not to ugh.

  "We cannot lift that!" Pigglesworth shouted, standing up and pacing. "Eight pounds of medicine? We would need a cart! Is the God sick? Is he a Giant? Why does he need such heavy potions?"

  "He's definitely got a headache," Kai muttered.

  "We are doomed," Gideon whispered, clutching his painted steak. "We cannot carry such a heavy tithe to the heavens."

  As they panicked about the weight of the currency, a rhythmic cnking noise approached.

  Cnk. Cnk. Cnk. Thud.

  It was Gary the Guard.

  He was marching his standard patrol route. However, the route was currently blocked by the base of the Duke’s Trash Tower.

  Gary walked straight into a wooden stool. Thud. He backed up. He walked into it again. Thud.

  "Greetings, citizens," Gary announced to the stool. "I used to be an adventurer like you. Until I..." Thud. "...walked into this furniture."

  "He's stuck in a loop," Kai sighed. He got up, walked over, and moved the stool three inches to the left.

  "Thank you, citizen," Gary said, resuming his march instantly. "Keep your eyes on the sky. Dragons could swoop down at any..."

  Gary looked up to gesture at the sky. He froze.

  He was staring directly at the White Crack.

  For a second, the world stuttered. The wind stopped blowing. The fire stopped crackling. The birds in the distance hung suspended in mid air.

  It was a skipped frame. A g spike in reality.

  Gary’s texture flickered for a microsecond, he wasn't a guard, he was a wireframe mesh. Then he snapped back.

  "The dome," Gary whispered, his voice sounding hollow, like audio pyed in an empty room. "The paint is peeling. The great artist has... scratched the canvas."

  The fire crackled again. Time resumed.

  Gary blinked. The fear vanished instantly, repced by his standard gzed expression.

  "No rest for the wicked," Gary said firmly, and marched away.

  "That..." Gideon lowered his painted steak. "That felt wrong. My soul shivered."

  "The whole world is shivering," Kai said.

  He looked at the receipt, then up at the white crack. A single packing peanut floated up from the fountain, drifting zily toward the hole in the sky.

  There was no system warning. No red text. Just a quiet, gentle leak between two worlds that were never meant to touch.

  "We're not doomed yet," Kai crumpled the receipt and tossed it into the fire. "But we definitely need to fix the roof before the God drops his eggs on us."

  Ashervayne

  Only keepers can reverse death. So why are they called grubs and not Gods?

  Moss is a keeper. His job is simple - maintain the dungeon by removing HolyRelics and reviving dead monsters.Essential, yet he’s rewarded and respected by none.Fellow dungeon monsters spit on his kind, call them cleaners, maggots or grubs. And are more likely to step on a keeper than over them (for ‘fun’ - mostly by demons).But if these ‘cleaners’ are so harmless, then why would the dungeon Core restrict their Flow? The current of power that travels through all realms, floors and monsters.And if Moss was truly worthless, then why did someone set a quest to have him killed?

  As the Whispering Pools dungeon approaches Hallowed Eve (the end of the season).Moss is close to achieving his goal; staying alive to maintain his stats and securing key keeper - a position of leadership he can use to promote his race.But chaos threatens his ambitions. With monsters going missing, HolyRelics on the bck market, whispers of revolution and no word from Pools (The dungeons' Core).Soon, there might be no society left to elevate his kind in.With a change in Flow, Moss discovers new friends, a unique css and the Temple of Death.A ruin, mysteriously scrubbed from the Archives and containing enough legendary DeathRelics to make a lowly grub’s dreams come true.

  Expectations:

  * Comedy - Serious story with mad scenes and madder characters.*LitRPG - Stats, abilities, achievements and loot. (Stats are not repeated every 4 pages).*Dungeon/monsters - Explore a twisting dungeon of multiple levels, biomes and hybrid creatures.*Drugs/violence - This is a comedy, they're monsters. When they snort mana crystals things get weird.*No smut/harem - That's a lie, there's one harem that belongs to a RatKin called Seb. He has lots of wives, they like to party, it's not a sexual thing.

  Schedule: Tues and ThursEvery milestone I'll release an extra two chapters.Milestone: 15000 views, 200 readers or 250 favourites

  Cover art by https:///@TheBrackenBard

  https:///series/1821782/dungeon-keeper--monster-cleaner-litrpg/