1.42: Coming to TermsWe burst out of the station and into the night air.

  For a breath, none of us moved.

  Ume immediately pulled Rui and me into a tight group hug, squeezing all the air out of me like I was a plush toy she’d found in a UFO catcher.

  “You made it!” she beamed. “And Susumu… look at you! Human again! You’ll be just fine. The adventure is over!”

  Rui purred… actually purred. And she leaned into the hug like a cozy cat.“Yes, he did well,” she murmured, smug and proud… but then her expression sharpened into a troubled frown.

  “Wh-what?!” I yelped, still trapped between their arms. “I got my face back! This was the mission! You saved me, thank you so much, Rui-chan—!”

  “Eh? You think we’re DONE?”Rui tilted her head as if I’d said something incomprehensible.

  “This case is far from over. Yes, you’re human again… but you still don’t have your face.” She tapped my cheek lightly. “Do you really want to leave it like this?”

  Ume blinked. “What exactly can we do about it though? Anything come to mind?” Her glowing eyes flicked toward me, curious.

  My stomach dropped.“What… what face do I have now?” I touched my cheeks, my chin, my forehead. My fingers traced features that felt smaller, softer… wrong. “Oh… right. I destroyed my old face, didn’t I?” I smile wistfully.

  “It only makes sense that I can’t go back to how things were. So what did I get from all those faces it took? Am I an old man now? Some weird strange handsome guy? A toddler?”I poked my own nose. Then my tongue. They were teeth.

  But who was I now, if I wasn’t Susumu anymore?

  Ume sighed, reached into her purse, and quietly pulled out her makeup compact.“There’s a mirror inside if you want to see. But don’t let this break you.”

  “Break…?” My hands trembled as I accepted it, not asking why a vampire had a makeup compact with a mirror with her. “What could possibly break me more than everything that happened today has?”

  Neither woman said anything.

  Slowly, I opened the compact.

  One gnce was enough.

  I dropped it instantly.“U… u… UWAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”The scream tore out of me like a dying animal.

  Ume caught the compact before it shattered. “Oho… A very close call. That’s terrible luck, Susumu. You really don’t need more of that today.” She folded it and put it away.

  I colpsed onto my knees and sobbed. Loudly. Messily. Unrestrained.

  “I think,” Ume murmured, gently stroking my head, “we should go somewhere private before you attract even more police attention.”

  Her touch was soft, comforting, human, despite her vampyric nature. That made everything worse. I hadn’t been comforted like this since childhood. Maybe never.The kindness broke me open.

  “Let’s go to my pce again,” Ume offered. “I’ll call a car.”

  I blubbered, “Y-your room is cute… but the shop is incredibly creepyyyyy!”

  “Fine,” Rui said with a confident nod. “Then we’ll go to my office. I’ll make tea for you. Almost as good as Ume-chan’s. It’s safe. Nothing scary there.”

  “E-ehhhhh?!” I hiccuped. “YOURS is the WORST of all! That deathtrap elevator of yours! I don’t wanna use the fire escape! Your whole building wants to KILL me!”

  My cries echoed off the buildings.“I’ll never ride a train EVER AGAIN! And I’ll NEVER go in that elevator either! UWAAAAAHHH!”

  Ume spread her lips in a fangy grin. “Okay. What’s even left, then? A love hotel?”

  “A love hotel would be perfect,” Rui said softly, with a thoughtful expression. “But Ume-chan… Kisses are one thing. The other thing is another thing. Even if Susumu looks… well… he’s still technically a guy, isn’t he?”

  “I don’t care,” Ume purred. She wrapped her arms around me again and nuzzled close. “He’s so cute I wanna EAT him.”

  She licked the tears off my cheek.

  I froze like a statue.My face went positively volcanic.…And blood trickled from my nose.

  “HOW CAN I BE NORMAL?!” I wailed. “I HAVE A GIRL’S FACE! Makeup CAN’T DO THIS ALONE! THIS IS A WOMAN’S FACE!”

  And yet… something about had been familiar. With the thick white foundation, mascara, and goth makeup on, they made it impossible to identify with any certainty.

  Ume squeezed me tighter, examining my new face like a jeweler inspecting a rare gem.“So what now?” she asked Rui. “He’s in crisis… So delicious.”

  Rui exhaled dramatically. “It’s simple. We go to Susumu’s home.”

  “My… my home?” I croaked. “But… but… but… It’s a dump!”

  “We’ll spend the night there,” Rui confirmed. “It’s the closest. It’s a retively safe bet and close. And we can figure things out there.”

  “I-I have tea…” I mumbled. “But it’s just some cheap combini green tea…”

  “I’ll prepare it!” Ume said with a radiant smile. “A sleepover sounds delightful. And we can discuss the next steps.”

  She gnced at Rui meaningfully. “Especially what’s on your mind.”

  Rui blushed but didn’t say anything.

  Ume produced her phone, flipped it open, and began dialing.“I’ll call a car. Please bring one to—”

  Some time ter, we arrived at my apartment.I silently thanked every kami in existence that the entire building was pitch-bck right now. Just the building and street lights turned on. No neighbors were peeking out and their lights were mostly out. For now, there wouldn't be any trouble from my awful nddy. No lights meant no neighbors poking their heads out, staring, whispering, or flinching at the sight of “that creepy guy with the murder face” dragging goths up the stairs for some weird reason. Except I didn’t look a thing like myself right then.

  The neighborhood was quiet. There was only blessed peace.

  I led Rui and Ume up the stairs, my heart pounding, and stopped in front of my door.I turned and bowed so deeply I almost knocked my forehead into my knees.

  “I’m so sorry for the mess! My apartment… I— I haven’t been taking care of anything for a while. I barely have any food. I’ve been depressed for months and it looks like an eyesore and—”

  “That’s fine!” Ume chirped, baring her fangs in a cheerful smile. “Let’s fix it up! A makeover for your life!”

  “Uck…” Rui crossed her arms, pouting. “I never thought I’d end up cleaning some guy’s apartment, even if it’s Susu’s. That’s YOUR job. Not mine.”

  “You should help too,” Ume said sweetly. “I’ll give you a kiss as a reward.”

  Rui froze and hesitated.

  Her ears perked like a cat hearing a treat bag rustle.

  “…Deal!” She stuck her hand out instantly like a cat’s paw.

  They shook hands like two CEOs concluding an international merger.

  I felt a giant imaginary sweatdrop forming. “A-anyway,” I muttered. “Let me unlock the door. Just need to reach for my—”

  It was gone from my waist.

  My soul left my body.

  “OH CRAP!! My fanny pack! My wallet! My phone! My KEYS!”I pounded uselessly on my door and then froze, eyes darting nervously to each neighboring door.If anyone opened up now, I’d die. Emotionally, probably literally.

  “Oh noooooooo…” I whispered, clutching my face.

  Ume burst into ughter.

  I spped a finger to my lips. “SHHHH! They’re SLEEPING! Where… where is my fanny pack?! The one I was WEARING?!”

  “Well… good news,” Ume grinned mischievously. “We have it.”

  Then, loud enough to wake the dead:

  “FANNY PAAAAAACK!”

  “UME-CHAN NOOOOO—!”

  But it was too te.Down below, one of the vampire girls trotted out of the car. She lifted my fanny pack like a pitcher winding up in the final inning.

  And she THREW it.

  She hadn’t tossed it.She didn’t lob it over.HURTLED IT.Like a 200km/h fastball straight at my face.

  I screamed internally.

  Ume intercepted it with casual one-handed grace… mere centimeters before it would’ve caved my skull in.

  She winked, pced it gently into my trembling hands, and said, “My bad! I forgot about your cute little fanny pack.”

  Then she added with a pout, “And sorry about your equally cute sentai costume. It was shredded beyond repair, so we left the pieces in the tunnel.”

  I froze.

  “B-BUT—!”A horrible realization stabbed through me.“What about DNA analysis?! They’ll find it! They’ll investigate! It’ll point any investigations straight at ME!”

  “Oh… true…” Ume tapped her chin. “I, uh… didn’t think about that.”

  Rui shrugged and offered a grin. “Well then,” she said brightly, “you probably have a few days before they knock on your door and haul you off!”

  Ume blushed and scratched her head. “Hehehe… I’m sowwwies! I know that I am amazing, but I can't think of everything~”

  I stared at them, my heart dissolving on the spot.

  My life… was over.

  I pictured myself in a cell, rocking back and forth, sobbing into my new goth frills.

  Maybe… maybe becoming a vampire…

  …wouldn’t be that bad…

  Relwing